The new semester is about to start. I'm very excited. Dating, according to everyone I've talked with, tends to be pretty high-speed near the beginning of the semester. Near the end, the general idea is that you either have a boyfriend/girlfriend or give up.
Not I, of course. I'm always open for business.
Wow, that sounds wrong... Hehe.
All right, I've got a dilemma. Maybe one of you, my dear readers, will have some insight:
My ex is still completely infatuated with me. (Seriously, if I could just figure out what I did to get and keep HIM, I'd have the world on a string.) Except he's trying to act like he's not, and he's going a bad job of it. This wouldn't be too horrible, but he has a girlfriend right now, who happens to be a friend of mine. It's very weird when we're all together. I thought it was just me, but then another friend talked to me privately and asked what was going on. "You all seem like you're really good friends on the surface," he said, "but then I look at John [name changed] and there's something weird about it." Which pretty much sums it up...
The story went like this: John and I were friends when we met Annie -> Annie and I became friends -> John and I broke up (I did the dumping) -> John and Annie got together about two weeks afterward; much of the time I got the distinct feeling that he was flirting with her to try and make me jealous (he's unsubtle like that) -> Annie had a pregnancy scare; he'd pressured her to sleep with him -> John dumped Annie, giving her with little to no reason why -> Annie and I got pretty close while she got over the scare and breakup -> John and Annie got back together for reasons I don't know; Annie has learned to assert herself somewhat (still has major assertiveness and self-esteem issues) and they are on a strict no sex policy (which will hopefully make things a LITTLE less serious).
The awkward bit (well, most of it's awkward, but you get what I mean): whenever we're together, Annie and I are pretty good friends, and John and I are... sort-of friends. He tries, painfully hard, but I remain polite but standoffish. However, he'll come sit by me, leaving Annie alone if necessary. He finds whatever excuses he can to be by and talk to me. Every time I look up, his eyes are on me. He only cuddles with Annie when he thinks I might be watching. I've started to avoid hanging out with them, but it's hard because we travel in the same circles and have a lot of mutual friends.
Any tips? It's a bizarre situation... I can't tell her to dump the idiot because she really wants to "make it work" and is completely blind to how badly he treats her, and because I'm simply not going to see like a disinterested party since I am, after all, the ex he's constantly making googly eyes at. I've talked to him about it numerous times in no unclear terms, but he's dense as a lead brick... How do you convince someone they're over you?
Honestly... I'd enjoy the power, but this bothers me because it's my friend who's getting the raw end of the deal. It's not fair for her to be treated like dirt because he likes me.
Sigh.
On a brighter note: I've made friends with a guy who wants to take me to lunch --- we'll see if it happens with the new semester and all. I'm not really attracted to him, so I'm not going to call him up if he doesn't call me. I do like him, though, so... what happens, happens.
The guy I do like quite a lot seems to be sort-of getting over his girlfriend. I guess she's gotten back with her ex, so now he's coming to terms with the fact that it's really over. I'm doing my best to be there for him --- not just because I want to be the convenient next in line, mind, because I don't know if that's the case. Singlehood is fun. We're mostly just friends and I want to try and cheer him up the best I can.
All right, enough for now, lol. I'll be impressed if you've managed to get through all that...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
New semester... old dramatics... trying to keep it light!
Posted by Circe at 2:53 PM
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4 comments:
That's good that you're thinking of your friend Anne. However I do feel that the truth will set you free. Have you told Anne how you felt? Yeah there's a chance that'll she but upset with you but would you rather tolerate all that awkwardness???
or have you tried helping him out in his relationship with Anne?
Well sometimes you do have to tolerate it, I had an issue with a woman who wrote me notes all the time, tell me she's over me, then she write me the same letter 3 months from now. So I know how you must feel.
Yes, on a brighter not, single life is fun and "open for business" does sound naughty HA-HA! :D
So you found a guy you interested in? Make sure you let your attractive qualities shine bright :)
Yeah, I've told her what I think... but she is very determined to talk and reason away every rude thing he does and every time he starts looking at other girls and gets defensive when I disagree. I guess I can just wait and see what happens, and then be supportive and avoid "I told you so" comments when he does dump her, as I'm pretty sure he will as soon as he has another warm female body lined up. (From what I've heard he's got one in the waiting room already.)
Thank you, though... I think you're right, it just has to be tolerated. And I will try to see if I can help him with her. Maybe if one won't listen the other will. Maybe they'll work out.
And yes, I'm definitely trying. ;)
Thanks for your comments, btw. They're very insightful and I enjoy reading them. :)
I can imagine your frustration. I can also see how Annie might be too infatuated with him to see reason if you sit down and talk to her about the whole thing. Do you think that she honestly doesn't notice this happening, or does she just turn a blind eye to it? One thing you COULD do is tell her that you'd like to keep hanging out with her, but without your ex around. Do you think she'd be offended if you do so? If not, she's likely to ask why you've decided to do this, in which case you can carefully tell her that you don't feel comfortable with the amount of attention your ex is giving you, and that wanting to distance yourself from him is a personal choice.
Best of luck with this situation.
Vanilla Soup
I think it's a willful ignorance --- when they were broken up we talked extensively about how he was treating her and how it was not okay for her to let herself be treated like that... but now they're back together and she sees only the good and talks away the bad. I think it's an I'm-going-to-change-him syndrome.
That's a pretty good suggestion, though. I think I can say that and have her still be okay... I guess as long as it's presented as MY issue, not HERS, we're fine. Thanks. :)
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